Although kitchy and lame, I love my job because my job is life. I’m not going to limit myself to “work” from nine till five. That’s not good enough. My job is every part of my life, regardless of responsibility or method or madness :).
Since he was a kid, Micah (@micah) has the greatest of goals. I remember him telling me during school hours (okay, so i’m just making stuff up all over the place) about his dreams, how they were filled with this one goal. How he would lie on the grass at night and see afore-mentioned dream written in the stars.
You can help this mighty warrior of awesome to achieve his goal. His hope. His ever present desire to reach the lofty status of #1 on Google. Link to the above.
Twitter is an insidious mistress. She beckons and calls and before you know it, the hours have flown by. The only way things could get worse is if Twitter joined in unholy union with Diet Coke to form some freaky kind of sub-organic fusion of Tweet and Drink.
1. DO NOT Read Profiles
If you do this; If you embark on such a crazy streak of discipline as to “relate” with people on Twitter, your life will not be the same. Don’t do it. You have been warned.
2. DO NOT Click On Profile URLs
Doing so will cause a chain reaction of what some people label “awesomeness”, or “legen - wait for it - DARY” behaviour. You will find out more about the person. Don’t do it .. Twitter will entwine itself further into your heart mind and soul as a conduit for all things community.
3. DO NOT Thank And Greet Your Followers Or The People You Follow
Pursuing normal social cues (like saying Thanks, or G’Day!) sucks you deeper in! Fool, adjust your goggles and clear the mist! Your Addiction will never be ground down and cleared away until you give up this idea of Community.
4. DO NOT Reply To @’s and d’s.
These are like a truckload of sherbert to a kid. Every time you see an @<yourname> your eyes light up and you get all excited. And the d’s, well .. forget about it. Your addiction is fed by these kinds of conversation, and Twitter laughs at your pathetic weakness.
5. DO NOT Follow More Than You Are Followed
Power is like Loki. Tricky. So you need all you can get. To remove your addiction, you need to have power over countless thousands. You cannot be a Follower if you Lead. That’s stupid. Resist the urge to follow Mr. Scoble. Leaders cannot Follow. Say it with me.
Finis
The world trembles at the might of this dark decaying force, this “Twitter”. We must resist the siren call of her beauty; Her figure that says “Community Is Gold”, and “My Power Can Be Yours”.