Twitter is an insidious mistress. She beckons and calls and before you know it, the hours have flown by. The only way things could get worse is if Twitter joined in unholy union with Diet Coke to form some freaky kind of sub-organic fusion of Tweet and Drink.
1. DO NOT Read Profiles
If you do this; If you embark on such a crazy streak of discipline as to “relate” with people on Twitter, your life will not be the same. Don’t do it. You have been warned.
2. DO NOT Click On Profile URLs
Doing so will cause a chain reaction of what some people label “awesomeness”, or “legen – wait for it – DARY” behaviour. You will find out more about the person. Don’t do it .. Twitter will entwine itself further into your heart mind and soul as a conduit for all things community.
3. DO NOT Thank And Greet Your Followers Or The People You Follow
Pursuing normal social cues (like saying Thanks, or G’Day!) sucks you deeper in! Fool, adjust your goggles and clear the mist! Your Addiction will never be ground down and cleared away until you give up this idea of Community.
4. DO NOT Reply To @’s and d’s.
These are like a truckload of sherbert to a kid. Every time you see an @<yourname> your eyes light up and you get all excited. And the d’s, well .. forget about it. Your addiction is fed by these kinds of conversation, and Twitter laughs at your pathetic weakness.
5. DO NOT Follow More Than You Are Followed
Power is like Loki. Tricky. So you need all you can get. To remove your addiction, you need to have power over countless thousands. You cannot be a Follower if you Lead. That’s stupid. Resist the urge to follow Mr. Scoble. Leaders cannot Follow. Say it with me.
Finis
The world trembles at the might of this dark decaying force, this “Twitter”. We must resist the siren call of her beauty; Her figure that says “Community Is Gold”, and “My Power Can Be Yours”.
Lies. Beautiful sweet lies.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Good stuff mate! You are a funny aussie! Glad u r one of us Twaddicts!!
Ha ha, cheers, um .. AT, ahem @paisano.
We must all realise the truth. There is no Twitter.
So true.
Thanks for the comment Jim. Much appreciated.
Heh, funny post. I’m glad I’m allergic to sugar substitutes so I can’t drink Diet Coke, because the way people talk about it, it sounds like too had of a habit to kick. :-)
Tim,
Ha ha. Hard?? What do you mean? I quit at least twice a year.
Cheers for the comment.